6 Tips for Farting Discreetly In Public

6 Tips for Farting Discreetly In Public

Everyone does it! Humans fart! Of course, it is considerate to pass gas in the bathroom or somewhere not near other people – but sometimes that is not possible. Whether you’re in an important meeting you can’t leave, at an event with no re-entry, or stuck where you are for some other reason, sometimes you just need to let one rip. Holding in a fart can also cause stomach problems and can make you feel sick, so it is important to relieve yourself of the gaseous fumes in your belly. So, instead of holding it in, or being obvious that you’re the one stinking up the room, follow these six tips:

 

fart at party1. Act like you don’t smell it and just go on with your business nothing odd is happening. Keep your conversation going or keep doing whatever other activity you are involved in.

2. Stand near the bathroom door, a trashcan, or anything else that may usually have a bad smell. Whenever someone in the area gives you one of those “wtf is that smell” faces,  just give them one of those disgusted head shakes and fan the air in front of your nose. If you’re outside the bathroom, you can even throw in a smirk and one of those “a human did that?!” faces. They’ll think you’re equally as disgusted by the smell and assume its not coming from you.

3. Go close to a group of people you don’t know and then release the gas after a few minutes of conversation. This works perfectly if you’re in a place like a packed bar where there are a bunch of people moving around. Its harder to pin point the source when a lot of people are around and moving because anyone could be culpable. Do this only if you are bold. Be sure to join the conversation for a few minutes before executing the task, as you do not want to be the main suspect since you just joined the group.

4. Just point at the scrubby-looking dude if people just start saying “EWWW”. He probably smells anyway anyway and everyone around you will agree that he did it.

5. Lay the bomb and walk away. Fart in a corner and then scurry away into a group of people or into dancing with a girl. Its harder to believe that a person dancing farted than the others just standing around doing nothing.

6. Light a cigarette and then fart. The smoke will cover up the smell. People will not be able to smell your rectal fumes as burning tobacco is a strong smell.

BONUS TIP: If you’re outside, which is not always possible, seek the wind! Get in a position where no one is downwind from you, and let one go. The breeze will carry your stank away. You can fart mid conversation with a smile on your face knowing that you are conspicuously passing gas mere inches from other individuals without them knowing.

 

Whatever you do , DO NOT just say “Who FARTED” and then walk away! It doesn’t work and people will just think its you. Hope these tips help you get out of an awkward situation. Do you have any other ideas or tips?


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