10 Things You Might Regret Doing When You’re Drunk

10 Things You Might Regret Doing When You’re Drunk

I don’t know about you, but after a night of heavy consumption, I tend to sporadically whisper the word ‘f*ck’ throughout the day. For lack of a better term, I like to refer to the morning after boozing as ‘the shame spirals.’  The reason being, my day of recovery usually consists of a pit feeling in my gut, flashbacks of things that I may have said or done the night before, and bouts of paranoia every time my cell phone rings. Chances are, you know exactly what I’m talking about because you’ve probably experienced the ‘shame spirals’ as well. Seeing as we’re both on the same page, I’ve taken it upon myself to create a list of 10 things you should probably stop doing when you’re drunk. Therefore, you don’t need to quit drinking, you just need to quit doing stupid shit when you are drinking. BOOM!! Drinking problem solved…



10. Karaoke

drunk karaokeHey, I’m not calling you a bad singer, I just know for a fact that I’m a bad singer. Granted, you’re probably a shitty singer too, but at least I know that you won’t ever catch me singing in public….sober anyways. For the most part, I’ve got my singing under pretty good control. Although, once in a blue moon and belly full of booze , you might see me stagger up to a microphone to give The Knack’s a run for their money by performing my rendition of their “hit” song, “My Sharona”.



9. Dancing

drunk dancingAgain, this is another skill that I wasn’t exactly blessed with. To be honest, I wish I could say that I had as much control over my dancing as I do with my singing. Unfortunately, after a few too many rounds, my dancing shoes come on at full force… Side note: I know that some of you probably love dancing, this one’s just for the awkward folk.




8. Walking

drunk walkWith singing and dancing out of the way, let’s get back to the basics…walking. Walking is a skill that most of us started practicing before we even turned 1. By now, most of us should have mastered the art of walking. On the other hand, as soon as copious amounts of alcohol are thrown into the equation, our basic motor skills and judgment are thrown right out the window. That’s right, we’ll either injure ourselves walking (which is never embarrassing), or we’ll embark on a journey that usually ends in total disaster.


7. Driving

bag1You’re lucky if you avoid getting into a car accident, hitting some drunk f*ck who thought walking was a good idea, or getting pulled over. As soon as you wake up the next day, I guarantee that you’re going to feel like a bag of dicks for driving the night before. Call a cab or a friend.




6. Opening a Tab

drunk bar tabNot only do you spend a shit load of money when you open up a tab, but you tend to get beyond bamboozled when you have an “unlimited” bank account as well. Come to think of it, opening a tab at the bar could very well be responsible for everything on this list.




5. Online Shopping

drunk shoppingJust in case you didn’t spend enough cash at the bar, then make sure you hop on Amazon when your drunk ass gets home. That way, you can purchase a bunch of worthless shit that you don’t really need. Better yet, if you’re feeling a little frisky, you might as well go buy some sex toys… Just ask my old roommate, that flesh light he bought on a drunken whim might have been the best thing he’s ever bought. Seriously, it was a great way for all 7 of us who lived in that house to brush up on our sharing skills. (jk on that last part).


4. Facebooking

facebookmemeBeing drunk and on facebook can take creeping to a whole ‘nother level. However, it’s all fun and games until you wake up the next day and see your recent facebook activity/conversations.




3. Calling / Texting / Sexting

drunk textIf deleting all of your text messages that you sent the night before is the first thing you do when you wake up, you know you screwed up.




2. Smoking Pot

passedoutcatBack in the day when I use to dabble with the old Marijuana, I can remember (barely remember) a few nights where I thought smoking pot after a night of heavy drinking was a really good idea. Turns out, getting high when you’re drunk as hell is one of the quickest ways to get the spins…goodnight




1. Dipping

dipvomitMost of you gal’s probably never had the “pleasure” of throwin’ in a fat lip. But for those of you who have, classy. Anyways, back when I use to dip, I would sometimes pass out drunk with a lipper in my mouth. Let’s just say that the only time that I’ve ever gotten sick from chew was when I slept with it. Not to mention, waking up with dip drool all over the place is a super attractive look too. On the other hand, watching drunk people try dip for the very first time, or seeing a dipping “veteran” get sick from putting in too much dip is always hilarious.

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